hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
