That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
