Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
