i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
