I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
you will always have a special place in my vag
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
