I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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