I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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