I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
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