Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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