MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
