at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
True but thats because hes a fetus.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
