my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
