I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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