Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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