Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
