We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
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