Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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