he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
