I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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