he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
