So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
