That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
