Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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