my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
