i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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