I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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