We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
