so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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