is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
