hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
