Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
