Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
