He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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