The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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