Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I touched a dick in church today
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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