is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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