Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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