I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
