Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
