I hate your face
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
