Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
