shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
