I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
