She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You know, be my cock's hype man.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
