he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
