The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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