I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
