All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
