Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Randomize
