So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
We're too hungover to prance.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
