it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
