I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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