thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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