Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
